One Moment
by B2
Summary: One moment to be by your side. One moment to pretend that you're mine. [Kyou x Tohru] [Spoilers]


One Moment  
  
I love these moments with you. When it's just you and me, walking side by side. We could just be going to the market or coming back from the post office or doing any other ordinary, uneventful errand. We've done hundreds of errands like this before. But walking in the sun like this, or walking in the rain with you, to that ordinary place with our ordinary errand, it's special. It doesn't matter that we've done it so many times before. It's always been special to me.  
  
You've always been special to me.  
  
I've never told you this, though. And even if I wanted to tell you, I wouldn't know how. I don't have the words.  
  
The sun shines on you so brightly today. Your hair is brown, but in the light of the afternoon sun your hair becomes golden, like honey. You look beautiful in the sunlight. You look beautiful in the rain, too, even though I hate the rain.  
  
But then, you look beautiful all the time. You are beautiful, even though you'd never believe it. If I said this to you, you would only blush and laugh and say, I'm not beautiful at all.  
  
You're wrong, though. You only think this because you've never seen the way you smile, the way you read a book, the way you stand there before me, holding a canvas bag full of groceries. I've seen this, though. You have a quiet beauty, like a small flower that blooms secret, unseen. I understand this beauty. It's the most precious and the most rare.  
  
"Kyou-kun, are you all right? Is there something wrong?"  
  
"Of course not! Don't worry about me! I'm just thinking!"  
  
I feel bad for yelling at you like that. I'm not mad at you. I'm hardly ever mad at you. Of course, I get mad at you when you feel sorry or when you feel guilty or when you feel sad. You shouldn't feel these things. You should never be sorry or sad. Never feel sorry or sad for anyone, especially for me. I don't ever want you to feel these things. I want you to be happy.  
  
"I'm sorry, Kyou-kun. I didn't mean to --"  
  
"Don't apologize! There's nothing to be sorry about!"  
  
Yes, don't ever feel sorry or sad, especially for me. Because when I leave you, the last thing I want to see is your smiling face.  
  
You don't know that I have to leave you, though. I haven't told you. I won't ever tell you. If I tell you, I won't be able to see your smiling face. I don't want to see you sad when I go. I want to see you smiling beside me, up until that very minute that I have leave you. I want to keep a picture of your happy face in my heart forever.  
  
"Oh, I'm --"  
  
"Don't say it. Really. It's okay. Anyway, it's my fault."  
  
You're my most important person. That's why I can't bear to see you hurt or unhappy. You don't know how much I love you, though. It's okay, because I haven't told you. I don't want to tell you, really. I can't tell you. Even though I tell you a lot of things, there are secrets like this still hidden in my heart.  
  
I haven't even told you my secret wish. I've kept it within me for a long, long time. The wish that I could make you mine. For a while, I thought, stupidly, I could take you with me, to a place where you and I could be together and have more moments like this. But I can't take you away. I can't wish to make you mine.  
  
My love would only hurt you.  
  
"Oh no, Kyou-kun. It's my --"  
  
"You're about to say it again! Don't say it!"  
  
So before I leave, I will spend every moment I can with you, to store up these ordinary, uneventful times with you in my heart. I will stay with you, by your side, until that day.  
  
Still . . . I can't help but wish that you and I could stay together forever. I think you wished for this too. I don't think you understand my wish, though.  
  
"All right."  
  
After all, it was a stupid wish. I don't wish for it anymore.  
  
So I made a promise instead. To fill the emptiness my wish left behind. I promised you that I would leave. So that you could continue to bloom, untouched by regret or sadness. So you can smile and be happy.  
  
That is my promise. That is my wish. I guess my promise is a promise and a hope all in one. I don't see the inconsistency, though. I can promise a wish and I can wish for a promise, right?  
  
"Kyou-kun, I think it's getting late."  
  
"Okay."  
  
I know there isn't much time left for me. Every day I spend with you means one more day of moments. Every day I spend with you means one less day of moments. It's a strange sad formula of time.  
  
"Maybe we should --"  
  
So I have to make the most of these moments with you.  
  
"Kyou-kun . . ."  
  
I feel you standing still like a statute, but you're warm in my arms. I can even feel the heat that is surely burning your cheeks through the fabric of my shirt as you lean against me.  Your heart is beating so fast against my own. I want to hold you close for as long as I can. But I know it will be short. It will only be for a moment. For in a moment, I won't be able to hold you in my arms. In a moment, I'll turn into a cat. In a moment, you'll smile down at me as I stare up at you and then you'll pick me up and take me home and it will be over.  
  
But just for a moment, let me hold you like this. Just for a moment, let me pretend that you and I will share this moment without regret or sadness. Just for a moment, let me think that I can stay with you.  
  
Just for a moment, let me believe that you are mine.  
  
Then it's over. In a moment, I see you lean down, a blush still in your cheeks and a strange brightness in your eyes. I don't really know what it is, but for some reason, I feel sad. I don't want you to look like that. I have to make you smile again and get rid of that look in your eyes.  
  
"Sorry about that."  
  
It's a simple, almost meaningless phrase, but you smile at that anyway and that look in your eyes disappears. I guess you understand the irony.  
  
"It's okay, Kyou-kun."  
  
"Let's go home, okay?"  
  
"Okay."

  
Riding along in your arms, I think that maybe we can always be together like this. It's easy to think this on a bright day with you beside me. I know that I can't be with you forever, though. I'll have to leave you soon and go somewhere far away. But I'm happy as long as I can be with you, even if it's only for a moment.  
  
***  
  
NOTES:  
  
Inspired by Sting's "Until." Not really a song particularly fitting to Kyou, but it's so beautiful, it put me in a sentimental mood as I read a translation of Ch. 63 of "Fruits Basket." Much thanks to Elina C. for the translations.


End file.
